Power is Not Loud

April 17, 2018

At a break in a recent Workplace Power event, I approached a woman who had stayed silent for the entire first half.  I asked her why she hadn't spoken up.  "Well, I'm just kind of a quiet person," she responded.  Ok, got it.  She continued, "My boss asked me to come here because he wants me to be like this other woman in the office who is more, I don't know, loud."  Aha.  "Well, I'm very glad you came, and you must be yourself!" I said.  Her guarded expression turned to relief.   

It's a common misconception--that to be powerful you have to overpower others.  In the traditional, “positional” power game, that's true.  In that hierarchical game, in order for you to be more powerful, someone has to be less powerful.  Achieving great positional power may give you a sense of superiority—for a time (Remember, there will always be challengers scraping their way to the top to become more powerful than you)—but it won’t set you free.

For that, you need your personal power.  Personal power comes from knowing who you are and what you will and will not do.  It comes from knowing that you matter, and respecting yourself.  That’s it.

Your greatest power comes not from controlling others, but from being yourself.

When you honor your personal power, you are who you are, you think what you think, and you say what you say.  You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, and you don’t feel a sting when someone else expresses their criticisms of you.  When someone with more “positional power” than you tries to make you do something you don’t believe is right, you say so—understanding that while they may have a certain amount of control over your circumstance right now, in the larger picture, you are equal human beings, both worthy of respect.

It takes courage to do this, but it is the only way you will ever be able to make your singular contribution to the world.

And you don’t have to yell about it.  Loudness and aggression are not requirements.  You simply have to know what you stand for, and then stand for it. Quietly if you like, loudly if you must, but either way knowing that living your life as the fullest expression of you is the greatest power there is.