If You Want to End Sexual Harassment in the Workplace, Talk to Men

June 5, 2018

I had lunch with two male business associates yesterday, and mentioned that I was writing an article about how the experiences of the women who accused Eric Schneiderman of assault were different in important ways from those of the actresses who were ambushed by Harvey Weinstein. 

(To my mind, the only appropriate choice for all of the women was to walk away, even though the Weinstein accusers were experiencing sexual harassment that was likely to derail their careers.  One can understand how terrifying their fraught choice must have been.  But the Schneiderman accusers, who were established, financially self-sufficient women out on a date?  Their assault at the hands of Schneiderman should have elicited an “I’m out of here” response, plus a call to the police, end of story.)

Perhaps not surprisingly, when I looked at my lunch partners after this short monologue, they had somewhat stunned faces—not so much about the controversial stance I was taking, I think, but that I was having the conversation with them at all.  Women and men just don’t talk about these things—certainly not business colleagues at a networking lunch who don’t know each other terribly well.

But why not?  The problem that the #MeToo movement is exposing is critical for all of us to solve together. If sexual harassment is ever going to end, women have to stand up for themselves and men have to start holding each other accountable for their actions.  If men are going to start treating us the way we want to be treated, then we have to make sure they understand what we’re talking about in the first place.

So I continued talking, and in turn my new friends started chiming in.  One of them seemed to get it entirely, and the other, not so much.  When I said--about the issue of a date gone horribly wrong--"Women have to take responsibility for their actions in these situations, too,” he said, “Right. Just like Anita Hill.  She followed Clarence Thomas all the way to the EEOC.” I responded, “Oh, no, that was about her career.”  My new woke friend tried to explain the difference to his colleague, who seemed to be trying to understand.  I’m not sure he did.  But he did think about it.  And he asked me to send him my article.

I consider that a success.  An open, congenial conversation between women and men about sexual harassment in the workplace.  Now let’s have more of them.