The Three Keys to Winning the Power Game
If you are a woman in a male-dominated industry, you will face challenges along your career journey. Knowing how to handle them will help you achieve the success you deserve. When it comes to playing and winning the “male power game,” here are the rules you must know:
Rule 1: Remember that the game is played in the moment.
Rule 2: Always face down challenges right away.
Rule 3: Don’t stick around waiting for people to change.
Let’s start with Rule 1: Remember that the power game is played in the moment. What this means is…
The small moments matter—a lot.
Consider first impressions: When you meet someone in business, you have 30 seconds to show them what you’ve got. And as a woman, in those 30 seconds the other person is thinking, “Is she strong, or is she weak?” In other words, Does she deserve my respect, or not? Whether we like it or not, that’s happening to us all day, every day.
How do others make the determination that we are “strong” or “weak?”
In male-dominated environments, if we show traditionally male characteristics of strength, we are seen as strong, and if we show characteristics that male communicators view as weakness, we are seen as weak.
The problem is, what men and women view as strength and weakness are sometimes polar opposites. Here’s an example:
If your female colleague says to you, “Congratulations on that project!” you might say, “Well, I couldn’t have done it without you!” This expression of humility is understood as respect by female communicators. It’s our way of saying, “Thanks, and I see you, too, and acknowledge you.” There’s nothing weak about it. But to a male communicator, this response might simply be seen as a lack of confidence.
If the other person decides that you are “weak” (even though you most certainly are not!), what happens next?
Unfortunately, you will likely face challenges to your authority, dismissiveness, and other behavior designed to push you out of the game. It might catch you off guard. And if you are not accustomed to fielding challenges and asserting yourself in the moment, you may find this behavior hard to deal with, and may not know how to respond, which only reinforces the perception that you are not to be taken seriously. (And no, this is not fair.)
So how can I convey my strength while still feeling like my (authentically female) self?
Learn the fundamentals of how “male communication” works, and then put your own spin on it. You do not have to “act like a man” to succeed in male-dominated environments. In fact, your femaleness can be your greatest strength. But you do have to understand the language that is spoken there, and master it.
At the most fundamental level, male communication tends to focus on status, while female communication tends to focus on relations. This is why self-promotion is more of a male communication style (which can be seen as distasteful by female communicators). And why giving compliments is a female communication style (which can be seen as irrelevant by male communicators).
To learn more about how male and female communication works in the workplace and how to use this knowledge to your advantage, join me on December 9 for Lead Like a Woman: Essentials of the Power Game (Register here).
You deserve to be seen as the brilliant and powerful human being that you are in your male-dominated workplace, and to be able to express yourself fully and authentically. Just remember, as long as we live in a male-dominated world, this requires knowing how to navigate the male power game.
In the next few weeks, I’ll share more about Rule 2: Always face down challenges right away, and Rule 3: Don’t stick around waiting for people to change. For now, start taking note of the communication around you, and what your own communication conveys.