Deneuve is Right and Long Live #MeToo
January 11, 2018
The backlash was inevitable. Someone was going to say that #MeToo had gone too far, is pitting women against men, is breaking down the fibers of society. Right on cue, in marched Catherine Deneuve and her band of 100 this week with an open letter in LeMonde, claiming that men have “the right to harass!”
Deneuve and her compatriots have done a pretty good job of annoying American women with this letter. I rather love the way American feminists are swatting it away as pure nonsense and moving on to more pressing things.
That said, underneath the absurdity (Did they really say, “We believe that the freedom to say no to a sexual proposition does not go without the freedom to annoy”?) is some hard-won wisdom. Take the letter’s last lines:
“Physical slights do not affect a woman’s dignity and must not make her a perpetual victim. We are not reducible to our bodies. Our inner freedom is inviolable. And this freedom that we cherish is not without risk or without responsibility.”
In other words, no matter what anyone tries to do to you, your dignity, your true freedom, cannot be taken away from you. Indeed, one of the ways women have survived misogyny since the beginning of time is to hold tight to their own dignity, no matter what. Never think of oneself as a victim, and take responsibility for your choices — even when those choices are difficult or unfair or potentially career-killing, like having to choose between a sex act and your job. As an example, one of the signers of this letter, gallery owner Farideh Cadot, explained on BBC America on January 10 that she has lost clients over time because she has rebuffed their advances. To her, that’s just life.
I agree with this “Deal with it” mentality wholeheartedly. It’s important to live in the world as it is, not as we wish it was, and to take responsibility for one’s life.
But I’m also allowing myself to be hopeful lately. The very point of the #MeToo movement is that women shouldn’t have to tolerate bad behavior as “just life” and that men must be accountable for their actions. What’s remarkable about #MeToo for those of us old enough to have lived in very different times is that in a few short months, the right of women to be heard and the responsibility of men to listen has become a mainstream idea. One would think that Cadot and Deneuve and the others would also welcome this moment, this cracking open of Western consciousness to the idea that women really do have a right to be treated fairly, without coercion, and that men have a responsibility to act like grown-ups.
Not so. Instead, they’re issuing a warning: Don’t let #MeToo become a victim-fest. When you expect that someone treat you a certain way, you become tied to, and dependent on, their actions. When they treat you badly, you become their victim. As Deneuve and company say, you can’t feel “traumatized forever” by the guy who tries to rub up against you in the subway. Or the boss who makes an inappropriate remark, or, say, touches your knee.
Again, I’m in total agreement here. But you can believe that it’s wrong. And this is where Deneuve’s band of anti-feminists goes a bit off the rails. Why do they run to the defense of men who they believe have been treated unfairly (the real victims of #MeToo’s “hasty justice”) when they themselves are so ready to stoically weather lifetimes of unfair treatment?
There’s clearly a little Stockholm Syndrome at work here.
And so while I agree that the word “victim” has been tossed around a little carelessly in the last few months, and that the rush to justice has started to create a culture of fear (which leads inevitably to backlash), I don’t want women to stop. There’s a palpable optimism, a righteous determination and certainty among women these days that tells me #MeToo really is bringing lasting change. Let’s complete the evolution from #MeToo catharsis to “Time’s Up” action (www.timesupnow.com ). Deneuve and friends are right—our power comes from within. And #MeToo has unleashed that power for all of us.